That's Bang Out

Why? Why do I do it to myself? A trained professional does it for you and then offers do it again for free but, oh no! Going back seems like just a little too much effort compared to picking up the scissors yourself. I’m talking about ‘the fringe trim’. When you get your hair washed, cut and styled at a reputable salon most offer a free fringe trim but I never seem to take advantage of this service. Instead I pick up some blunt safety scissors I use to cut up my sketchbooks and stand in front of my mirror thinking “Ha, this is a doddle, why did I think I had to trapse my ass all the way to Bond Street to snip a litt… oh shit.” I now look like the subject of a Diane Arbus photograph. No there shall be no photos accompanying this post, I’d rather throw up on myself thanks.

‘Jesus, Jess. If you were gonna take all that off you might have well put a bowl on your noggin and cut round the thing. What would have been so wrong with pushing back your bangs with a hairpin one more day huh?’ This internal monologue goes on for the rest of the day, scolding myself at every opportunity. ‘Look at her’, I say to myself on the tube. ‘I bet she doesn’t cut her own hair. But see that old lady over there?’ Oh give yourself a rest will ya? ‘Look! The one over there with the odd trainers on laced really tight?’ Yes, yes... ‘She cuts her own hair and looks like care in the community. You want to look like that?’

Ladies, I urge you. Don’t make the same mistake I did. Put the scissors down and call your nearest salon before it’s too late. For god’s sake they can probably fit you in on your lunch hour. But if, like me, you too have been banished from the heavy fringed hipsters and condemned to wearing an alice band for the next 3 weeks, I ask you only this. How the hell do you make those things not clash and look hideous with every single outfit?